I have made a new commitment to start blogging again. The last year has been a really bumpy road for me and my son. A year and half ago I left my husband. Unfortunately my vision of a family and family life, was not a shared interest. Without going into too much detail, we split August 29Th 2009. I had hoped that we would try and work things out but that didn't happen. He was happy to go about his life again as a single person again, careless and kid free. Jan 2010 I filed for a divorce and the divorce was final on 9/29/10.
During this time I had to learn to live without the person that I loved. Its so hard to not be jealous of other couples and their families. (Of course the grass isn't greener on the other side, but its hard to not see the bad stuff when your feeling down) That is something I always have wanted to have was a family, a home, kids and a husband to share my time with. (This want has not gone away) Even though I didn't have a great husband and I still loved him more than most people would understand. He lead a completely different life outside of our home and was not with us, very often. When I say us, his 14 year old daughter lived with us, his 10 year old daughter came over every other weekend, we had a son, who was 2 and a dog name Copper (RIP- he was attacked by coyotes this last year) A lot of my friends and even my family often wonder how I can love someone who was never there to me and I often asked myself the same question. I am not sure, but I did, even though it didn't make sense.
I have had to start a new life with just my son and I. I went from cooking for a family of 5 to cooking for 1 1/2. And the 1/2 person doesn't like much. I went from carpooling with other moms, girl scouts every other Monday, cleaning my own house, hosting parties, birthday parties, grocery shopping, best friends spending the night every weekend, driving a mini-van filled with kids to just me and the little man. Life was VERY different.
When I left I my husband I moved in with my grandmother, not having my own place while trying to adapt to a single mom schedule has been tough. I am truly grateful that my grandma offered a helping hand when I needed it and she has been a blessing in everyday, but its also difficult at times. I love watching my 88 year old grandma spend this last year with my 3 year old son. I truly hope he will always remember his GG.
Now for the good stuff, I have survived the divorce, I am starting to move on emotionally, I am DEBT FREE, transferred B from crib to bed, potty training, entering the dating world again, bath time every night for the last year, terrible 2's, sick days, daycare pick ups and drop offs, Xmas time, birthdays, Brandon's first flu (ewww), buying a new car, getting a new job and saving for a house.
Who says you need a man anyways!!! Ive got this single mom thing down pat. I don't get nights off or every other weekend or child support, but Nana's and Papas are great! Brandon often stays 1-2 nights a month at his Nana's house and he is always happy to go :) Sometimes I think I want to go back to my old life, my family, my house, but when I think with a clear mind, Ive got things good.
I have got the most amazing son, who keeps me on my toes and I love more than he even knows. I have the best girl friends and sister that a girl could ask for and now I have time to hang out with them more often. My parents and grandma have been really supportive with my mood swings and depression -wait so have my friends. Without all the bad stuff, I wouldn't be where I am at today.
Independent, strong willed, financially stable and secure and smart, caring, loving and motivated.
Here is to a new 2011!!! (Cheers if you have a glass of wine in front of you like me)
Many post to follow
With that all said, I am making a promise to myself and my son